Shrimp Paste of My Life-Belacan Kehidupan

     As far as I'm concerned along my 25 years old (in which will be reach 26 in another few months), I saw many incidents in my life whether good or bad, sweet or sour and even hot or cold although there were some moments where you felt 'plain' or senseless but I guess the portion of 'plain' life was too small as to compare with 'colorful' life,hehe  ( senang cita tak hambar la..).

    Today, I bravely admit that this is my toughest years of study as engineering student. Doesn't mean that previous years were in leisure and enjoyable, but personally I do really feel the real 'issues' now (how I address the problem now-learn from seniors ).Never say that  never conflicts happened to my life as an Engineering student. You may believe me, I even experienced a big issue which I do not think I should tell everyone for sympathy or advice since I am receiving the Hikmah (wisdom) now from the events.Curious? He he..The post today is not related to my life as a whole, it only a 'piece of it' or like a very small slice of pie.Life of Pie? No la..hahaha

     I only want to confess this thing, listen carefully..hurm..

   

     "BELIEVE ME & FORGIVE ME..."

    This confession is not for me or for you my readers, in fact not 'dedicated' to my family or my friends. It is not like in Fort Minor song entitled Believe Me or some famous phrase "Forgive me & Forget Me" like some of you do but this words I delivered from bottom of my heart to the  inspired people whom  I called as 'teacher, lecturer ' or in in Malay as 'cikgu, pensyarah, guru, murabbi ' and so on.

      Since I am studying in university level so of course this words I specially dedicated for lecturers.

Let me define all those words.I say 'BELIEVE ME' because i really mean it. I seek for 'belief' from my lecturers as I respect them like my parents. I will do not  intentionally to do something that probably may hurt you feeling or even have 'discussion' (but some may assume as argument) unless there are reasons behind that. I do really respect and love to my lecturers and teachers and even probably (in my assumption) more than most of 'brilliant students.What I mean is, if I do not attend the class, of course this will make you probably feel hurt or disappointed but  'BELIEVE ME' , I have my own reason especially when I fall sick.Feel free to ask me if you have doubt but please do not 'doubt' with  my sincerity to study.

   You know, it is hard for you to survive when majority of your friends have left you for job or future and you are stand still or 'static' in your unknowing long journey of studies where your families, friends, neighbours, and even the teachers keep asking you when will you finish the study.Please, do not misunderstood the purpose of this 'curhat' or sharing. I just one to tell you the feeling on being the 'minority' among students. 'the left behind students' or 'extended students'. I do feel ashamed not sometimes but many times, but no one else can we depend on except to the Almighty and ourselves.

    Try to imagine, become a senior student where about 2 or 3 years gap, no scholarship anymore, family responsibilities, which sometimes very hard for you to ask and even to convince them( the junior) to accept you to join the group as been assigned when they already have 3 or 4 members.Yes, of course we, the extended students try our best to keep close with the information and even some of us buy the smartphone so we can updating the information among class members and lecturers even we have no scholarship  or loan anymore and only use a very basic handphone and probably if you see the old mobile you will cry or scream due to the 'fatigue'ness or dying condition of the mobile phone. And if you know sir, how some of us used to eat plain rice, gravy and egg every day and do part time job.Even if our family are rich, but that is our parents, we still have to survive as we have many siblings in our home sweet some just like your children are.

      When we lost any information or contact doesn't mean we are all lazy..yes, maybe some of us, they are but not all.But, there are many of us which willingly to further our studies with full of spirit even sometimes it is fluctates. We have our own reason why we have ended up with extension of studies: some of us have sickness, some of us have internal problem, some of them because of system. I believe no one want this happen if there is a better choice, wouldn't it?Always I do ask my other classmate but sometimes we have different schedule so probably by the time I received the information it was already late.

       I am so sorry . really so sorry.. (Saya minta maaf sangat-sangat)...I wish I can continue any further but I do not think so anymore.I have to get rest since tomorrow I have another amanah for me, working and learning in the same time. Those words as above is not an angry mood, hope everyone understand. It is only a sad feeling when becoming as 'extend student' (you might feel low self confidence) but truly this is what happened in last few days and weeks, been scolded and been 'doubted' many times but still I believe they do this because they care about me and do not want me to be pampered, and this is how some parents to educate their children to be stronger.. only I feel so touched when it is a bit little 'strong',hehe..

       I might strong like other, but believe me, students have their own capability and weaknesses. If you ask me , you would not believe me that I was a repeator (a student keep repeating sitting subject/paper) many times and I still  can teach other even long time passed and maybe this is due to the blessing of the knowledge (from lecturer to the student-thank you Dr. and Allah)

   May Allah bless you always teachers. I love and respect all of you but I am sorry if I am not like what you expect me to be. I am quite slow and I do really need your support as my parents in my alma mater.Thank you for those who always bare with me and sorry because always make all lecturers get angry with my attitude and performance. I still remember one of the lecturer scold me in front of my friends and feel so happy even there was little sad because I  was so sure that he really concern with me. It is only sad when due to some matters, people lost their trust to us and without any chance to explain...Hehehe..

   May Allah grant all of you with Jannah. I would like to clarify that I am not angry to anybody including lecturers truly. It is only a little sad to some and I hope if anyone of the readers who is going to become a lecturer or teacher might understand how the feeling of extend student, the more year or the longer been extended, the more challenges they have to bare. 1 semester give meaning a lot, how about 2 years?ha ha ha.

Let me close this chapter with istighfar.Thank you.

Wallahu'alam bissawab.